They say writers write what they need to read. From my experience, that is pretty true. What shows up here, and my writing elsewhere, is often my attempt at trying to find a greater understanding about something or other; maybe even an answer. The challenge with writing here is to make this journey with words, and the inner workings of my brain, useful, or at least of interest, to others too.
And so it is that I've landed on this week's topic, to explore methods for finding time for things we want to do.
I sort of have several strategies for this and yet I still don't feel like I have enough time or mental space to do all the things I want to do. I am constantly up against the clock - or so it seems. Of course, the strategies can only be one part of the process, and life will continue to happen regardless of how much I try to plan my time down to the millisecond - meetings that overrun, an unexpected dinner invitation, a friend who calls to chat, waning energy levels. We all need to be accepting of that, even if it isn’t always easy.
So outlined below is an approach I came up with last year, for how to squeeze in all the things we want to do. Rather than relying on a schedule overhaul, this is supposed to be more aligned with how we feel, or want to feel, in the pockets of time we have around the chunkier things going on in life (work, childcare etc.). It’s about creating a menu, rather than a to-do list - an ethos I seem to have forgotten, but spring is nudging me to get into better habits.
Let’s get to it.
Creating a Menu
Inspiration for this approach likely came from a combination of inputs from writers, podcasters and thinkers on the concept of time, such as Laura Vanderkam, Cassie Holmes,
and Oliver Burkeman, whose content I often lap up looking for a silver bullet or golden rule I know doesn’t really exist (nor do they promise). ’s concept of designing a life you love no doubt played a part too (an eight step guide for which I have on my list to re-visit).Anyway, let’s say various influences led me to taking a bit of scrap paper, drawing three columns for morning, afternoon and evening, and then making a list in each one of activities I want and/or need to fit in around work - which in theory is 7.5 hours each day and though I try to stick to that, it’s usually a good bit longer.
Activities range from things I already do within these slots, to things I want to do more regularly, to things I never do but want to make the time for. It’s not an exhaustive list of activities, but is very personal to me and my interests. If you take anything from this, especially inspiration to make your own list, make sure it’s that. No point adding crafting to your morning section if you know the first few hours of the day are one mad rush to get everyone out of the house and into schools or offices for an 8:30am start. Be aspirational, of course, but realistic too. Maybe there is a weekday version and a weekend version, where crafting at 10am on a Saturday morning does feel realistic in a way that a 6am Wednesday session does not - even if your best friend somehow manages it.
Lists written, I then took a few coloured pencils and thought about how the different activities made me feel. The idea was to colour-code these and create more of a specialised menu so that, instead of trying to find time for everything in every section of the list everyday, I would be able to pick and choose from a smaller selection of activities, based on how I felt, or wanted to feel, at any given time on any given day. Knowing that my (and presumably yours too) moods/feelings/energy levels ebb and flow through the week, I hoped this meant I could then cover all bases i.e. tick off all the things I wanted to do at one point or another through each set of seven days.
The categories I pulled out from the activities listed were:
Calming
Creative
Decompressing
Productive and/or anxiety reducing (interesting that I grouped these last two together? A ponder for another time…)
Some activities showed up twice, but attached to different sensations. Morning and evening yoga I tend to think of as calming, whereas a lunchtime slot feels more productive. A morning walk feels productive, whereas an evening walk is more to help decompress from the day. Journalling received a multi-coloured label of calming, decompressing and productive/anxiety reducing, whereas as writing (which I consider separate to journalling, such as that I do here) is more creative.
Other activities listed include:
Cleaning/tidying: productive - at any time of day
Cooking: decompressing - in the evening
Colouring: calming - in the evening
Knitting: creative - in the evening - (though I actually find this quite calming too)
Hula-hooping (I have one of those weighted ones that lives behind the sofa and rarely sees the light of day but I always tell myself I’ll pull out for at least five minutes…) - decompressing - in the evening
And so it was that I had created this sort of menu of things I wanted to make time for in and around everything else going on in work/life. But instead of feeling like I had a lengthy to-do list of ALL THE THINGS to make me calm and creative and in control and feeling like I was living my best life etc etc., it was a selection to choose from. At a restaurant you don’t order every single thing off the menu every time you eat out. You don’t even always go to the same place; sometimes you want Italian, sometimes Thai. Sometimes your body craves green juice, and sometimes it wants gravy on chips. It’s a feeling not to ignore.
Facing the Reality
So I wrote this list, made it pretty - or as pretty as something on scrap paper can be - then sort of forgot about it really. Or at least, forgot about my intentions for it. Which was to ease the burden that had come from wanting to do too much; feeling like I had to do it all. And instead return to a place of appreciating how great it is that I get to do all these things! That right now I don’t have children or adults I care for, whose appointments and schedules I must structure my day around. That I can work from home for much of the week instead of having to do a daily commute. That I have cookbooks on my shelves and live in walking distance to an abundance of supermarkets, local grocery stores, and market stalls from which to be inspired by ingredients.
I have so much freedom, to live a life I want to live, and it may not always be this way. But instead of indulging in this freedom, I too often constrain myself with self-imposed shackles (click here for the ear worm). And that’s how I’ve been feeling lately. I want to make the most of everyday - and have written about my obsession with time and it’s passing - but in a way that is conducive to living the good life of my choosing, not that becomes all tick-box-y and makes me feel more stressed for having the NEED to tick off yoga and a walk/jog and journalling and prepping a healthy lunch all before I’ve logged on to my work emails in the morning - even if I am working from home!
And so I guess here I am sharing my intention to return to this list. Perhaps revisit the activities, and their categories, and writing them up in one of my many notebooks used for many different purposes, which feels more official and somehow more important than notes on scrap paper. Or maybe even a nicely designed memo tacked above my desk; an easy daily reference point.
But also to acknowledge these intentions and activities are transient. Mornings in spring feel much different to mornings in December, when it’s already light at the sound of the alarm, compared to those days when you might be on a second coffee before the sky has turned from black to a sort of murky grey. Maybe if I actually try paying attention to how this menu works out for me, I’ll realise I need seasonal versions. Or, as suggested earlier, one for the week and another for the weekend.
Seeing the Signs
I feel like I’ve had various prompts recently pushing me towards thinking about this - not least my brain feeling overwhelmed and my to-do list spilling into several different versions, only adding to the stress of my separate work to-do list which is tiring enough. I don’t need my “life stuff” to feel like that as well. That’s supposed to be the stuff that acts as fuel.
These prompts include the recent Squiggly Careers podcast episode on the know-do gap; when we know something - how to do it or why we should - and yet we don’t get it done or do it in the way we know best. Though the podcast, and the examples shared, focus on work (where I have a know-do gap too - now with a renewed commitment to eat the frog!), it clearly applies to this life stuff; my having made the list/menu then forgotten to revisit it enough for it to fulfil it’s purpose.
Then there was
’s new podcast, the first episode of which was with , serving up a lovely conversation between two pals. Reflecting in the comments on Emma’s points around success relating to having brain space and capacity to do the things you want to do, in a thoughtful reply Selina mentioned making these moments more frequent, even if the capacity is not a permanent state of being, which felt like a lovely accessible way to get back into this thinking.I think another prompt is an underlying inner sense of now being in the final few weeks of my 20s, that big birthday and new decade fast approaching, and feeling like I want to enter it in as good a place as I can. To put my learning from all the tips and tricks I’ve read about in books, heard about from friends, into action. Even friends who have joined me on
- Malin’s approach to making the most of small pockets of time; Ellie’s acknowledgement and acceptance that we can’t consistently do everything; Charlotte’s encouragement to look at meaningful life goals. To think about which bits of the way I live are still serving me, and which could do with a mix up. Spring is also an inevitably good time for this of course, regardless of age.And so, having written to remind myself of my intentions, and think about the practical steps I need to fulfil them, I hope these methods have given you some food for thought too. If you’re feeling a sense of overwhelm related to wanting to fit in golf lessons, therapy sessions, meal prepping and more, perhaps get out a pen and paper with a few coloured pencils and write yourself a menu. Know that you can make the time. Maybe not every day, or every week. But focus on building more of those moments. And the joy, not overwhelm, that comes from them.
As ever, happy navigating! 🧭
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PS … thank you to
for the encouragement to commit to essay writing this year via !
Ooh I've saved this to go through later. LOVE that exercise of yours - I'm going to try it out myself. And thank you for not one but TWO mentions in here 😍
Thank you for the mention Lauren!! I’m bowled over to be in such great inspo’ company, including you! I love the exercise you shared too ☺️✨🙏