Methods for Making New Connections
Even if you think you don’t need to.
I’ve been reflecting recently on my Substack journey (sorry to get a bit X-Factor) and what I want to do here this year, how I’m pleased to have kept my commitment to this writing outlet, and how being here has brought unexpected opportunities for making new connections.
I’m not talking about friends, or even really acquaintances, but rather getting to virtually know new people through the Substack platform. Reading their thoughts on the things I care about, and the things I’ve never even thought about. Responding in the comments section. Joining a conversational thread to add my two cents. Chatting at IRL events, as well as meeting in a Zoom room. There is a plethora of shared interests in what I may call my ‘Substack network’, and though the main one might obviously be writing, it seems that connecting is actually a close second.
I appreciate that this isn’t exactly a new phenomenon; people have been connecting online for years. On Tumblr, Reddit, Facebook, and old fashioned blogs. Online newspaper comments sections can still be pretty lively, and I have friends who have found their significant others, or at least summer flings, through the magic of an Instagram DM. But I was never really part of this world. I’m an analogue gal through and through, typically spending as little time as possible engaging with the digital world. Even as a teen I was far more likely to be up late under the covers with a book than in any sort of late night chat room (though as a millennial I was of course part of the after-school MSN club).
When I joined Substack, I realised that there were a few writers whose work I’d been reading in my inbox for years, without ever realising those emails were coming from Substack (
and being two of the greats). I glazed over the comment and share buttons, not giving them much thought, and not realising there was this whole world of words happening behind the email. Now, I’ve engaged with some of those writers, whose work I admire, who I’ve laughed along listening to on a podcast, who I thought were a universe away from me. The revelation never gets old.It’s a reminder that they too are just human. Yes they may have had glossy magazine spreads and sell-out book tours, but they are also just a person interested in writing, and connecting, happy to have a chat over a glass of wine if you happen to be at the same event (I had the pleasure of meeting
, and last year), or to offer their thanks when they see you’ve given a shout-out to their work online (not least , , and ).It feels like
has really levelled the playing field, and the opportunities know no bounds. While I still often read the Substacks I subscribe to in my email inbox, its so much more enjoyable to spend an hour in the evening, or several at the weekend, pulling the platform up on my laptop and rooting around in the world that it is, getting a feel for people’s pages as a whole, discovering new categories of writing, and seeing familiar names and faces pop up in the comments sections of essays I thought only I read. The notes feature, a bit like a Twitter (or, ahem, X) newsfeed for anyone unfamiliar, is such an encouraging space full of people promoting each others’ work, sharing pictures, highlighting events, and generally just giving off good vibes. If you’ve only ever read via your inbox and fancy having a root around this space I’m talking about, you can find notes here, and the full homepage for The Navigation here. From there you can see who I read, wander off into their spaces, and discover new names and platforms that might be of interest. If you feel so inclined, do feel free to say hi in the comments.
But this isn’t a post about Substack.
It might at this point feel like I’m getting commission, but I can assure you my words don’t carry enough clout (at least, not yet!) for any spon-con style posts. Rather, what I’m intending to do here is use Substack as an example for how I’ve made new connections this past year, connections which have inspired and encouraged me to keep going, think differently, have confidence and find joy in little surprises. As mentioned, these connections aren’t friends (I’m grateful to feel I have enough wonderful pals in my life) or even colleagues, but some other category that add something new, a different kind of value to my life that had already felt pretty rich.
So, what are you interested in? What connections do have you outside of work, your family or friendship circle? Do you have people in your life, virtually or that you see in-person, who inspire, encourage, make you think about what it is to be alive? (Okay, maybe that last one is a bit dramatic, but hopefully you see what I’m getting at…).
Maybe for you this is to be found in something sporty. I’m not one for a pitch or a court, but I’ve heard those who play football or netball with a local team once a week speak of something they don’t find anywhere else. It’s not the same team spirit you might find in a boardroom; it’s a different kind of energy. Or perhaps a pottery class, taken with a group of strangers all sat round a set of wheels, sharing the common goal of trying to mould something that loosely resembles a vase you might one day display flowers in. It could be volunteering for a charity or cause you care about, spending a Saturday afternoon chatting to others about why they showed up too, or celebrating on a Zoom call with fellow volunteers when you hit the fundraising goal. There’s ample research on the benefits of activities such as singing in a choir or joining a run club. It’s just a matter of finding what sparks your interest.
You might be thinking, it sounds nice, but what’s the point? I’m already busy, I have friends I don’t have time to see as it is, and I want to invest in the relationships I already have in my life rather than trying to build more. To which I would say: fine, fair enough. This isn’t some new year, new me mandate to go forth and fill your calendar with even more things. But it is a gentle encouragement to challenge yourself, and your thinking, around what else and who else might be out there.
What was something you maybe did as a child and would perhaps like to explore again as an adult, but you’ve been holding back? What if you just went and did it, or tried it, or signed up for it at least, and wait to see what happens? Chances are, even if you don’t come away in six or twelve months feeling surprised at the unexpected links and bonds you may have formed, you’ll still be glad to have taken the leap and given it a go. Even if you realise you hate it and the enthusiasm ten-year-old you felt for tennis has not sustained twenty or thirty years later, at least you know.
And even if investing in your existing relationships is the priority this year, what if exploring a new interest, or new community, meant you could show up better for those relationships? As I write, in the corner of a coffee shop with an oat cappuccino and almond croissant for company, I know when I leave I will walk out with a spring in my step having made the time to spend a few hours doing something I, for want of a less cliché word, love. It means I can show up all the better for the people I love.
And so I will leave you with that thought to ponder: where might you find new, unexpected, connections this year?
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Lovely insights Lauren and thank you for the mention!