🧭 Cultural Compass #14
A round-up of culture influencing my navigation of life: Mothering
While I don’t usually tie this newsletter too closely to national holidays or annual events, with World Book Day and International Women’s Day (IWD) having been at the forefront of my radar this week, and Mother’s Day springing into step for the UK today, I have been toying around with which, if any, of these should form the basis of this week’s Cultural Compass theme.
I’ve opted for mothering as a loose overarching topic for today, but the first recommendation actually does well to tick all three boxes.
That said, if consuming any mother/parenthood-type content today is not the vibe (even if it’s not Mother’s Day where you are) of course feel free to click away now, and find something that’ll better meet your scrolling needs. 💙
A note of thanks before we dive in, to my Mam, who is an ardent supporter of this newsletter, and makes me feel like a NYT bestseller even when I can’t string a sentence together.
Though we aren’t spending the day together (I was at home very recently!) I hope my appreciation for all that you are, and all that you do, transcends the distance between us, today and always.
📖 Generational Exploration
Bate’s Wild Hope is a beautifully designed book I read last month that has really stayed with me. I’d read a bit about it when it first came out last year, and enjoyed this interview with Bate on ’s podcast, so was pretty captured by the concept before I’d opened the first page. The reality did not disappoint.Part-travelogue, part-historical recount of women’s rights over the past few decades, and part-raw and heart-warming reflection on the relationship between mother and daughter, this is a delectable read. Considering how those influences of youth affect us when we’re long out of childhood, and how the bond between two generations of women interplays with relationships more widely, familial and otherwise, this felt like a helpfully reflective read.
As someone lucky enough to have a close, loving relationship with my own mother (we even enjoy holidaying together), having spent much of my childhood living as a dynamic duo, I could resonate with Bate’s gratitude, awe and wonder at the sacrifices made, sleep lost, and treats gone without so that she and her brother could have as much as Jacqui, as a single parent, could offer. The most important commodity? Time, of course.
While the book was written before the author had her own understanding of motherhood, in recent months she has written so eloquently about the joys and sorrows of new motherhood, over on
. But Bate’s newsletter, nor Wild Hope, are not only for those interested in the topic of mothering. As always with her writing there is a shiny golden thread of feminism and of championing women, which I touched on more in this piece marking IWD for last week.Wild Hope also has a gorgeously whimsical outlook towards the romanticism of the US, it’s vast landscapes and call to embrace opportunities. Reading will make you desperate to get on a plane, and maybe even an infamous Greyhound bus. Kudos if you can get that same romanticism from a National Express or FlixBus.
And so, really this memoir can be whatever you want it to be; a one-women adventure, feminist rally, or indeed an insightful reflection on the influences of our mothers. Either way, the hues of the cover alone mean it deserves a place on your bookshelf (or, leaning against your vase of flowers).
📑 Millennial Mothering (or not)
I’ve had this Vox article open in a tab on my phone for months but only got round to reading it this week. I think I was slightly nervous about what I’d find underneath Rachel M. Cohen’s headline of ‘How millennials learned to dread motherhood’. When I got round to reading it though (which I suggest you might do with a nice cuppa - it’s pretty lengthy) I realised there was nothing much here I didn’t already know; but seeing it all reported together is pretty alarming.
The facts and figures shared throughout focus on the US, picking up neatly on many of the themes covered in Bate’s book, including Roe v Wade, social policy, and economic struggles. I found many parallels with the situation in the UK too, and I’m sure this would resonate with millennials in countries around the world. The piece draws on a number of cultural references - books and movies, catchphrases and TikTok trends - as it outlines a collection of reasons why motherhood (note, not parenthood) has come to feel more daunting, precarious and even lonely for women of my generation. She actually references a post from
that I also wrote about last year on , exploring how the notion of self-optimisation, whatever that may mean to us, has turned into advocacy for an almost harmful sense of solitude.Cohen makes some interesting links around topics such as ‘tradwives’ (anyone else been down that rabbit hole?) as well as outlining unequivocal policy recommendations to improve the prospect of motherhood, or indeed parenthood, regardless of which side of the political spectrum one sits on.
There’s a bit where she highlights how an expert interviewed for a book referenced in the article copes with the changing expectations, and realities, of motherhood - by not doing guilt. As with the author of the book, and of this article, I felt a penny drop in my own mind as I thought, “hmm is that really a thing?” - and I don’t even have children! But what a great notion that we could all really learn from,
“that the refusal to feel guilt was a trait that could be cultivated, like patience or good manners or kindness.”
This sits well with the overall conclusion of the piece, positively suggesting that we “reject the all-encompassing crisis frame,” which doesn’t really serve us anyway. Cohen reminds us how strong we are, as humans, I guess, but inevitably as women. We hold ourselves up. We hold each other up. And that will be the case regardless of what is going on in the world, and whether or not children are thrown into the mix.
🎧 Parenting for One
Looping back to the thread throughout Wild Hope of single motherhood, I enjoyed this conversation recently between Kim Williams and Tori Dunlap, for Tori’s podcast, Financial Feminist. It’s a series I dip in and out of (found this episode pretty motivating on an early January walk), as it can skew to the US financial landscape quite a lot, but still has some helpful gems and interesting chats.
Becoming a single mother while still at college, Williams went on to found the Single Black Motherhood community, to support women with resources, education and support to thrive as single parents, and women in their own right. Tackling shame, fear and scarcity often (misleadingly) associated with single mothers, Williams seeks to create connections, and help peers deal with financial challenges in particular.
Like me, Dunlap does not have children, but has many friends on the parenthood journey, and this conversation also touches on how we can support the mothers in our lives as they navigate this journey - whether facing it alone, or coupled up. They also discuss the complexities around choosing to enter into motherhood alone, and some key considerations for that, as well as tackling the stigma that single parenthood, and especially single motherhood, often faces.
Inevitably there are parallels here with themes covered by Bate and Cohen above, but captured in an easy listening, yet informative way. The conversation also includes a helpful prompt to communicate the support we need, and anticipate that need in those around us. Something I feel I should ponder over … do you?
🧵 BONUS - usually I stick to three recommendations per Cultural Compass, but in case you missed last week’s issue of Career Compass, do check out Malin’s story of motherhood and maternity leave as impetus for re-framing success and achievement.
💻 Career Compass #2
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